Tag Archives: adulting

I’ll Take It

I’m an old mom – I didn’t have my kid until I was 40. I had been married, had a fine career, traveled, etc. I knew some stuff. So I figured I could work out the whole “have it all” thing. No problem.

Problem! Baby, house, job, husband, friend, gardens, laundry, dishes, dinner…I actually could do it, but I sucked at it. Everything was (in the words of my father) half-assed – I felt like a failure in every aspect. It was pretty low point in my life, about when my son turned 3 (the 2s are nothing, by the way). I was at my wit’s end.

At about this same time, we moved into a new house and had done some renovations. I invited my real estate agent/friend over to see what we had done to the house. She hung out, perfect in her blow-out, designer clothes, fabulous shoes and fantastic heart. She was amazing: three kids, a husband running his own business, her own top-notch real estate agent business. I could barely take a shower.

After chatting for 30 minutes or so, I finally broke down in tears about how sucky I am at everything. She was so kind and calming. I finally just asked her, how do you do it all? She cocked her head and smiled a little bit and said, “Oh, honey…I outsource everything!” She proceeded to tell me about the cleaning lady, carpooling, the nanny, the lawn service and stack of takeout menus in the kitchen.

It was a light went on in my brain. It was okay to ask for help, it was okay not to do everything myself, it was okay to feel overwhelmed. Outsourcing was the best advice I ever got…and I took it: we have a cleaning lady come every other week, we eat out at least once a week, we use after care programs at school. And life is so much better – I am so much more relaxed and happy and able to enjoy my son and my husband and my life.

I know not everyone has the resources to access this kind of outsourcing and that life looks different. But there are still ways to outsource: local and county services, school programs and, family, friends and neighbors. The ultimate lesson is to ask for help. Even with help you’re still doing it all – someone has to coordinate all those helpers, keep the schedule, mind the store.

Bottom line: If there’s help to be had, I’ll take it.

– Libby Bingham

About Libby

Libby used to have a stuffed bear named Alan as a child and recently found him in her parents’ attic. She now understands what it means to “love the stuffing out of something.” You can reach her here. 

Food for Thought

Yesterday I was in the grocery store check-out line and was perusing all the magazines. At the last minute I pulled one out and added it to my purchases…what was it that caught my eye? “Flat-Belly Soup! Lose 30 lbs in 60 days!”

Now, I’m no dummy (and I even have some degrees to back it up!). And I generally know when something is too good to be true. But this is most certainly too good to be true – I honestly can’t believe I bought the damn magazine. But when I got it home, I decided I should still read it, give it a chance. It’s actually quite interesting.

While it is clearly (in my opinion) 60% advertising and 20% snakeoil, the remaining 20% seems sound and credible. It is basically saying that if you replace processed foods, fatty meats and cheese with plant material and lean protein you will lose weight. That’s a duh, right? There was also a bunch of prebiotic/probiotic talk in there. I’m not sure of the science behind it all, but it seems they’re saying if you give the bacteria in your gut something they have to work harder at (plant fiber) that increases the “good” bacteria and you’ll begin to lose weight. Apparently the lazy bacteria love all things delicious and processed; when you take it away, they pack up their recliners and move on out.

There was a profile of Shannon who lost 55 lbs on this diet (fave quote, “I was too fat for Spanx!”) – and she does look incredible. The article claims she lost 30 in 60 – if so, she probably combined that with some hardcore exercise and a personal chef and trainer (and obviously nothing else to do with her time). But still, she lost some weight and seems to feel good enough about herself to be in a magazine. Pretty positive stuff. I hope she keeps it off.

Last goodness out of this article, almost 10 recipes for healthy meal options. That alone was worth the price of admission. Next time, I’ll use the article for my shopping list!

– Libby Bingham

About Libby

Libby has recently found herself at maximum density but with a positive outlook on future-fitting Spanx. You can reach her here. 

Can I Get an Adult in Here, Please?

Just me and my crew…adulting hardcore!

I was at my volunteer shift on a crisis hotline and a new listener checked in with me on a call he’d received earlier. He wanted to see if he’d handled it the right way and made the comment, “I just wanted to check in with an adult.” He said it with a sense of humor since we’re very clearly both adults in the sense that we’re able to legally drive a car, vote and have an alcoholic drink. We also both have paid jobs and people who trust us with responsibility in said jobs, as well as in our volunteer hotline jobs. But his choice of words stood out to me – no matter how old we are, we don’t ever stop looking for an adult.

Several years ago, I was in a three car accident. A teen driver rear-ended me at a stoplight with so much force that I was pushed into the car in front of me. As we all got out of the cars, the teen driver was already crying and his friend was visibly shaken. The couple in front of me weren’t that much younger than I was, though they were clearly wondering what the hell had just happened. And in that second, I knew I was the adult in the situation. I was the oldest, least shaken and knew what had happened, so the role fell to me. I made sure no one was seriously injured (thankfully, that the was case) and I told the teen to call a parent while I called the police. And the whole time this was happening, I remember wondering how in the world I was the adult in this situation. When did that happen?

More often that we admit, there are times in our lives when we think surely there must be someone else who should be in charge. How did we end up as adult in the room? Lots of factors can contribute to how adult we feel at any given time – our age, experience, confidence, abilities, health, financial status, support network, and on and on. And while we’d like to think we’ve got it under control most of the time, there are also times we just don’t want to be the adult in the room. We don’t feel like the situation is best handled if we’re in charge and we desperately hope someone else will do it. Or at the very least, someone will tell us it will be okay if we do find ourselves the adult in the room.

So the moral of the story…cut yourself some slack next time you find yourself looking for the adult in the room and you’re well above toddler age. The rest of us are doing the same thing.

 

Catherine absolutely believes glitter is a color and it’s her favorite color, dammit. She is the founder of Good for Her Soul and you can reach her here.