The other day I was listening to the song Scars to Your Beautiful by Alessia Cara. It’s an amazing song with such a beautiful message. We’re all beautiful in our own way but it’s hard to see sometimes and the world doesn’t always see you the way you want it to.
When I went to college, I gained the freshman 15. I guess a diet of beer and tater tots will do that to you. This was the first time I ever felt overweight and it was depressing. I played every sport in high school and would eat two plates of spaghetti the night before games and wouldn’t gain an ounce. So the summer after my freshman year, I went on a severe diet and weighed far too little for my height and frame. I pretty much starved myself and found it was hard to find clothes that fit – everything was too big and I was too small. It got to a point where my father made me eat a full plate in front of him before I left the house.
Self-esteem is hard. I grew up in a time before social media and I’m so glad I did. I’ve had my own internal demons that I’ve learned to deal with. It didn’t happen overnight and I continue to manage these evil tendencies. I’ve learned to love myself unconditionally but it has taken years of pain to realize that I am beautiful and not everyone needs to see me in that way. That’s OK.
About 5 years ago, I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism, an overactive thyroid which increases your metabolism that overworks your heart. I did treatment and now I take medication. It’s been 4 years of trying to get my medication right. I’ve had to learn how to eat differently and losing weight has been a tremendous struggle. I try to stay positive but sometimes it just gets me down. I’ve had to learn to love my new body. I work out and try to eat healthy so I know that I’m doing the best I can.
Life is hard but I am a firm believer that you create your own happiness. We’re all beautiful and we all have scars. You can let those scars take over your life or you can make them into something wonderful and meaningful.
Mai has a fantastic green thumb and enjoys spending time in her new yard making it her own. You can reach her here.